So I bring you Thöriniel’s latest work, The Darkness Within. Our champion of sap reminds us of the intricacies and pitfalls of a loving heart in an unloving world.
THE DARKNESS WITHIN
These past few days have been, to me, an eye opener for the truth has come to bear and the demons I once thought to be long buried (or non-existent) have come crawling up from the depths whence I buried them
The truth is, in all fairness, I AM BROKEN.
I am a man who has loved; I am also a man who has been continually disappointed by love. I have come to the harsh and painful realization that not all are destined to find love, not all are destined to find what they truly deserve; but then again, is that not how life is? Is that not how the world works?
How is it that those who do not appreciate a good thing find it without working too hard for it?
How is it that most countries with the capacity to make good use of natural resources are usually those with little to no natural resources?
How is it that those deserving of leadership almost never rise above the riff-raff that have steered the course of our nation for almost six decades now?
How is it that those who are most undeserving of love find it easily while those of us who wear our hearts on our sleeves – with so much love to give – never find this elusive phantom called love?
Just recently, I took another chance on love only to be left all alone and shell-shocked at the speed the castle we built crumbled at the first whiff of a simple challenge.
How come most of the good and decent fellas who are now hitched seem to have walked down the aisle only as a result of unplanned pregnancy; half the time, they were unsure of their role and function as the paternal donor of half of the foetus’ genome?
How is it that assholes and fuck-heads get to find true and lasting love while nice, decent and caring fellas are left by their lonesome on Valentine’s evening?
This, of course, will not stop the ladies of their fancy from accepting their heartfelt gifts and affection and spending the night with the players and fuck boiz only to get bruised, battered and heartbroken.
Well, I can only say that cupid and fate have been conniving to continually deny me of my fair share of the, oh so pure, love which I have constantly craved for.
Rather than being shot by cupid’s love arrow, I have watched helplessly as the little buggers plot to drive a double-edged knife into my heart time after time, leaving me with a gut and heart wrenching pain that gives me a constant ache.
An ache I feel I may never recover from.
Well, no more will I dream of happy ever after because love is nothing but a fairy’s tale.
A fairytale that is further enhanced by the selfish antics of one’s partners, these days the number of years one spends in a relationship do not stand for shit as your partner is most likely to move on at the slightest hint of provocation.
What happened to fighting for one’s love?!
What happened to never giving up on each other?!
Well, I guess those statements are just semantics from hopeless romantics like myself. Even the very best of us with good intentions have to spend the nights alone with our thoughts and dreams about love.
Despite my new found conviction that love is a fairy-tale, no more real than the belief that ingesting an orange seed will cause an orange tree to grow in your belly, there seems to be a constant tempest that rages within me.
We as humans needs to understand that beneath our exterior there is this constant war raging within us:
War between light and dark,
War between Good and evil.
As Kane would rightly say, “There is a lot of evil in all of us; letting out some of that evil will do you more good than evil!”
An advice that I have come to accept and hope to fully embrace as I have realised a simple truth; there is no love on these streets.
The truth remains that we, as free and moral beings, have been given the freewill to choose whichever side we hope to stand on; and I have made my choice.
It is with great pain that I write that my good friend, Kane, has finally made Thöriniel see the world for what it is.
Let me let you in on a little secret, the above-mentioned rake is actually not the only evil commodity in my life.
There are other demons who actually have a special place in my heart but in all honesty these are people who were once good men and open to the perception of love.
Then again even Lucifer was once an angel…
WHAT DO I KNOW?!
We are often blinded by emotions which tend to cloud our judgment, this in turn brings out the ugly and dark in us.
We are oft to blame in this, ’tis too much proved that with devotion’s visage and pious actions we sugar o’er the devil himself…
These past months have been a like a dark aeon for me… a desolate era which made me decide to not only perceive my dark side, but also embrace it like I was advised I long do.
A dark side that is largely controlled by lust, rage and deceit.
In as much as I would love to accept Kane’s advice, I am at crossroads as to whether I rein in this Darkseid of me, try to release him in a timely and controlled manner or rather allow it to flow freely like a wild beast that has been caged for too long.
I fear that acting on my dark whims or attempting to control my selfish desires will probably lead to the destruction of the man I am today.
Do I still believe in love and fairytales?… MAYBE
Have I given up on love?… MAYBE, MAYBE NOT
All in all I still hope to find a love so pure so as to not lead the rest of my days lonely and sad.
But then again it is nigh impossible to find love these days.
A wise man once said, “A man who experiences true growth is not one who is devoid of evil but rather one who acknowledges that there is a darkness that resides in him and accepts it as part of his nature”.
To the very best of us, most of our darkness revolves around the following:
- Sexual perversions
- Self absorption
- Domineering tendencies.
We, as humans, tend to battle these tendencies on a daily basis, of which it spills out onto the surface in small – yet continual – amounts, thereby, ruining the good in us in the long run.
However, I have been good for far too long with no reward in hand, nothing to show for all my righteous and goodly living; hence, my decision to embrace my dark side as The ‘Dark One’ had earlier pointed out and see where it leads.
After all, the darkness that is Kane is has not totally ruined the light within him, so what are the chances that I will be ruined?
I have toiled and laboured in this vineyard called love hoping to produce grapes that are as sweet as honey itself only to be rewarded with sickly grapes that have nothing but the taste of sour lemons in them
Life has constantly shown me that there is no love on these streets and what we call love is just a means to an end, most especially between two partners of the opposite sex.
Well, never again will I subject myself to the pain of searching for love only to be shut down. If I am fortunate to find love… then so be it; but I will not wait for it. I will march forward with my decision to be as ruthless and
I can only hope that this path I have chosen does not bring me ruin for I can only hope that my broken heart be mended by the rays of love before it gets too late.
P.s: Dude?! Why?!
Why the trolling in public space man?
Werrin I do you?
To all who dare to believe, I will have you know that I am not as evil as this Lord of Sap would have you believe.
Truth is, we live in hell and we expect to find angels, looking through lenses in search of wings.
Love is a beautiful dream; if you find it, do what you can to stay asleep (Feel free to quote me).